Are You Falling For These Common Communication Myths?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you falling for these common communication myths?[1]

 Many executives I work with on communication issues have difficulties because they have believed some or all of these myths. As we work in challenging the myths, and start better practices, communications gets better. After today you should be able to recognize them in your communication.

Myth # 1. “I don’t have time for communication.”

Many leaders perceive communication takes too much of their precious time. The problem is that if you don’t take time to communicate, problems will multiply. You and your team will be more efficient, deal better with change, and have better relationships if you take the time to communicate.

In reality, NOT investing the time in effective business communication is very costly. The time you spend in communication will create more time for you in the long-run by ensuring understanding, focus, and efficiency.

Myth # 2. “If I don’t talk about it, it will go away.”

Do you tend to avoid difficult issues? In many of the businesses I work with there are “big elephants” sitting around everywhere. Everybody knows they are there, but nobody talks about them. The problem with avoidance is that problems compound, and people make all kinds of interpretations (right or wrong). It’s better to deal with reality.

In reality, our brains are made to try to solve puzzles. If the right information is not given, people will invent their own information and form their own judgements. Therefore, it’s much better to “take the bull by the horns” and bring the conversations into the open.

Myth # 3. “I already talked about this.”

Many leaders confuse talking with communication. Just because you are talking does not mean you are communicating. It does not necessarily means either that your listeners are understanding. In fact, a common complaint I hear is that someone talks too much and does not say anything.

To know if you are really communicating, think about these critical components:

• Flexibility: Adjust your message to the needs of your audience. Don’t just share “data.” You need to share what is relevant to the moment and the people involved. You need to give what they need, not what you love to talk about. It’s about them, not about you.
• Engagement: Get the interest and attention of your people by engaging them. A dialogue is always more effective than a monologue. You need to listen at least as much as you talk. Take emotions into consideration too.
• Truthfulness: You have to be honest and consistent if you want people to listen, respect, and understand. Yes, as a leader there are confidential issues you can’t share. But you don’t have to lie about situations either. It’s better to say you are sharing what you can share at the moment, than to say nobody is going to be layoff when you know that next week you have to let people go. Tell as much of the truth as you can and help people see how their efforts contribute to the business.
• Efficiency: Think of the most direct and concise way you can deliver your message. Also consider what will be the best channel, or combination of channels, for delivering the information e.i. e-mail, face-to-face, individual, group, voice-message, etc.

 

Remember. . .

These 3 myths about communication originate from wrong assumptions. Don’t confuse assumptions with facts. Don’t fall prey of common myths. Instead, take time to communicate, bring up difficult issues for dialogue, and make sure you are communicating, not just talking. You will see how much effective your communication will be.

Share your thoughts

Are you letting these 3 myths rule your communications?

How do you make sure you are communicating effectively?

Empathy In Leadership

Empathy In Leadership*

Last week I had the distinct pleasure of co-hosting the weekly #LeadFromWithin tweetchat with Lolly Daskal. The subject of my chat was “The Role of Empathy in Leadership” and I have to say I was gratified by both the level of participation and depth of contributions/insights which arose during the discussion (click here to download a PDF copy of the chat transcript).

Although I’ve written previously about the importance of empathy in leadership, I want to use last week’s talk as an opportunity to delve into this issue more, sharing some of the points I provided during the talk, as well as some of the insights proffered by the various participants. Here are the ten questions I asked participants as we discussed the role empathy plays in leadership.

1. What does empathy mean?

“Empathy means I demonstrate concern for & listen to reach understanding of others ideas & feelings.” – @scedmonds

In order to appreciate the role empathy plays in leadership, we first need to have a clear understanding of what empathy means. Most times, we tend to confuse empathy with sympathy; that to be empathetic means agreeing or relating to the feelings another person has regarding a given situation or individual.

However, what empathy really means is being able to understand the needs of others. It means that you’re aware of their feelings and how it impacts their perception. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with how they see things; rather, being empathetic means that you’re willing and able to appreciate what the other person is going through.

2. Why does it matter for us to understand the needs of others?

“By understanding others we can develop closer relationships.”

At first glance, this might seem a tad altruistic, but there are tangible benefits that are derived from making time to understand what those around us need, as opposed to what we perceive is required. Indeed, leaders who take the time to understand the needs of their employees can provide them with the support they require to press ahead, to deal with the challenges or issues that might be holding them back from achieving their goals.

By understanding and providing employees with what they need to succeed, leaders can build a sense of trust, thereby strengthening the relationships they have with their employees and consequently, the relationships employees have with one another, leading to greater collaboration and improved productivity.

3. What traits/behaviours distinguish someone as empathetic?

“Empathy requires listening, nonjudgmentalism, openness, emotional intelligence.”

I’ve written in a number of pieces about the importance of listening in leadership. And how effective or intentional we are in our desire to listen to what others are saying is a key trait among empathetic individuals.

Indeed, empathetic people listen attentively to what you’re telling them, putting their complete focus on the person in front of them and not getting easily distracted by what’s on their monitor or smartphone. They spend more time listening than talking because their want to understand the difficulties others face, all of which helps to give those around them the feeling of being heard and recognized.

4. Can we learn to be more empathetic or is this an innate trait?

“Empathy is human. We can develop empathy when we focus on others and commit to develop our authentic self.”

In the discussion that arose over my previous piece on empathy and leadership, I pointed out that contrary to popular belief, humans by nature are not self-centric or concerned only with matters of personal gain. Indeed, recent research into mirror neurons has proven that we’re wired for sociability and attachment to others; in other words, we’re driven to connect and understand those we interact with.

We only need to look at how the whole world not only reacts, but responds to natural disasters like those which struck Haiti and Japan to see that the drive for empathy is an inherent component of humanity.

5. What can we do to become more empathetic?

“Take a personal interest in people. Show people that you care, and genuine curiosity about their lives.” – @LollyDaskal

Given how empathy is a natural part of the human condition, our ability to demonstrate it to those around us is not as difficult as we might think. As mentioned earlier, one key trait of empathetic people is their ability to listen attentively to those around them. One way they do this is by paying more attention to both the verbal and non-verbal cues that are a part of everyday communication.

Making similar efforts will help you shift the focus from the story that’s in your mind to the actual message that’s being presented.

6. What role does empathy play in leadership? Why does it matter?

“When we understand our team we have a better idea of the challenges ahead of us.”

Let’s be honest, when it comes to the keys for successful leadership, empathy is rarely included in such a list. However, instilling a sense of empathy in how you lead those under your care offers a number of advantages:

• Empathy allows us to feel safe with our failures because we won’t simply be blamed for them.

• It encourages leaders to understand the root cause behind poor performance.

• Being empathetic allows leaders to help struggling employees improve and excel.

• Empathy allows leaders to build and develop relationships with those they lead.

7. So why aren’t we being more empathetic at work?

“Empathy takes time, focus, effort. Some ppl focus more on meeting deadlines than on the people who will carry you there.”

If it’s part of our make-up to be empathetic and that there are tangible benefits to fostering a sense of empathy within your organization, the question that naturally comes up is why then aren’t leaders taking the lead in making empathy a fixture in today’s business world. The most obvious reason (or excuse) is that the expression or recognition of any type of emotion in the workplace is still regarded as being a form of weakness (the rationale behind the well-worn phrase “it’s nothing personal; it’s just business”)

Of course, as is the case whenever there’s an examination of human interactions, the behaviours are rarely the result of one factor. Instead, it’s often due to a number of causes, which in this case includes:

• Demonstrating empathy is hard; it’s takes time and effort to demonstrate awareness & understanding.

• It’s not always easy to understand why an employee thinks or feels the way they do about a situation.

• It means putting others ahead of yourself which can be a challenge in today’s competitive workplace.

• Many organizations are focused on achieving goals no matter what the cost to employees.

In trying to address the apparent lack of empathy in today’s workplace, it’s important that we recognize that, much like an organization’s culture, it doesn’t come down to one element, but a series of inter-related behaviours and biases which serve to reinforce how leaders and their team perceive the value of empathy in business.

8. How can leaders encourage a culture of empathy?

“Create an environment were ppl feel it is safe to express their true opinion.”

One of the responsibilities of leadership is defining the long-term vision you have for the organization and establishing some short-term goals for your employees to attain in order to transform your plans into reality.

However, what distinguishes average to mediocre leaders from those who excel at leading others is how the latter group understands that their focus shouldn’t be simply directed to whether goals are achieved or not. Rather, their focus is also on fulfilling the collective purpose of creating something meaningful.

To accomplish this, leaders need to understand the inner purpose that drives each of their employees and aligning that with their organization’s goals. This requires that leaders be more open about their ideas and thinking and asking their employees about their thoughts on it. By spending more time learning about the needs of their employees, leaders can set the tone and approach taken by their employees to achieve their organization’s goals.

9. How can we use empathy to become a better leader?

“Empathy as a state of mind breeds more listening -> understanding -> leadership!”

By now it should be pretty clear that empathy plays a critical role in one’s ability to be a successful leader. But for those who might need more convincing, here are some of the ways empathy can help you to become a better leader for your team:

• You gain a greater awareness of the needs of your employees.

• Empathy allows you to create an environment of open communication and more effective feedback.

• It allows us to understand and explore problems employees face and how to help them resolve them.

• Being empathetic with your employees helps to validate what they’re going through.

10. If leaders could do one thing to create a more empathetic workplace, what would it be?

“Remember that people are not machines. They feel as well as produce.”

“Sawubona” is a Zulu greeting which basically means “we see you”. Now, this is not some variation of the royal usage of “we” in place of “I”. Rather, it’s their way of recognizing that how they understand what they see around them is a reflection of their perception that is derived not only from their own experiences, but from the stories and ideas passed down to them through their family and community.

Similarly, leaders need to remember that how we feel colours our perception of what we see going on around us and consequently, it’s important to understand those feelings so that we can respond and manage them accordingly.

It’s also important that we remind ourselves that the story we tell in our minds is different from the story playing in the minds of  others. It’s only through listening intently to others that we can begin to understand these differences.

As one of the pillars to developing empathy is being attentive to what others are saying, I’d like to end this piece with these two quotes which I think do an excellent job of capturing the very essence of the role empathy plays in leadership:

If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care. – Theodore Roosevelt

Intercultural Communication

Intercultural communication*

1. Introduction

Intercultural communication is a discipline that seeks to comprehend how individuals from different cultures conduct themselves, communicate and perceive the world around them. Generally, intercultural communication can be termed as the social interaction between different groups of people in relation to the shared knowledge, languages and symbols of behaviors (Kanentiio, 2000). In order to understand this concept of intercultural communication, this study seeks to examine the history of the Iroquois ethnic group in North America. Importantly, this community comprises five tribes namely; Cayuga, Mohawk, Oneida, and Seneca hence the name Five Nations (Kanentiio, 2000).

Among these tribes, kinship is usually traced through matrilineal perspective. In this case, senior women had the duty of running family affairs (Kanentiio, 2000). According to the history of this community, women were responsible for family matters and agricultural products while men were held accountable for political and diplomatic matters within the village. It should be noted that, this community comprised of 5,500 people by the time they encountered the first white explorers on the onset of 17th century. The 1990 census report indicated that, there were 49,038 Iroquois live in America that made this community to be the eighth in the country’s most populated Indigenous American groups (Kanentiio, 2000).

Interestingly, Iroquois constructed their homes in such a way that extended families comprising of 50 people stayed together in bark-covered, 50-150 feet long wooden-framed huts. It has been revealed that, the origin of the name Iroquois is not well known but some people think that it came from the Algonquian word ‘Irinakhoiw’ (Kanentiio, 2000). On the other hand, no evidence has been provided to indicate where the Iroquois group came from. In this relation, it is believed that since Algonquian people are different in their culture despite the fact that they live on both corridors of Iroquois community; hence the Iroquois must have moved to this area at some time (Kanentiio, 2000).

It should be noted that, one of the significant event of this community’s history is that; in spite of their commonness in culture and language, these five tribes have lived in constant war fare amongst them. In this aspect, the interrelationships of these tribes worsened which made them vulnerable to constant attacks by the Algonquian tribes (Kanentiio, 2000). On this basis, this period of constant attacks from neighboring community came to an end during the reign of chief Todadaho. According to the Iroquois legends, this chief was a cannibal as he ate from bowls made of his victims’ skulls, his hair contained a knot of snakes, and he could murder with his Medusa-like look (Kanentiio, 2000).

History has it that, the cannibalism practices of chief Todadaho were put to an end by Deganawidah and his disciple Hiawatha when they confronted him with a message of peace. According to history, Todadaho when he was preparing to cook his latest victim saw the face of Deganawidah reproduced in the cooking pot and thought it was his. The beauty of the face could not be compared with his barbaric and dreadful practice of cannibalism and without more ado he forsook the practice (Kanentiio, 2000). After Todadaho and other Iroquois chiefs were convinced by Deganawidah and his disciple about his good message, they together established an Iroquois Confederacy on the banks of Lake Onondaga in 1400. In this case, this union was a confederation of nations that helped people share a positive system of values and live in harmony. As a result of this confederation, the Iroquois changed their lifestyles to the extent that when the first white explorers arrived thin community, Iroquois community was a settled agricultural society and more developed as compared with the Algonquians who practiced nomadic culture (Kanentiio, 2000).

2. Iroquois Historical Relationships with Algonquians and Hurons

History has it that, the Iroquois community and the Algonquians lived in constant conflicts where Iroquois because of their internal constant conflicts were always overpowered. According to the Iroquois legends, Chief Todadaho who practiced cannibalism practices helped Iroquois from the miseries of the Algonquians until a confederation was established in the year 1400 (Kanentiio, 2000). It is of importance to note that, since Iroquois were agriculturalist when they were met by the early white explorers; they used to exchange agricultural goods with Algonquians who were nomadic. On this basis, Algonquians exchanged their fur with Iroquois agricultural products. Additionally, it has been found that the language of the northern Iroquois was somehow related to Algonquians hence suggesting that there was an intrusion sometime in the past (Kanentiio, 2000).

Further, despite the fact that Huron community had some traces in Iroquoian linguistic family; they lived in great warfare where their relationship was termed as inherited hostility. On this basis, the Iroquois were growing mightily subjugating surrounding tribes which resulted to their crushing Huron confederacy in 1649. Moreover, Hurons traded with Iroquois where they provided fish and hunted animals in exchange of agricultural products like beans (Kanentiio, 2000).

Historical incidence of Iroquois discrimination

Significantly, Iroquois community only experienced discrimination from the colonizers where they were forced to pay taxes, offer food and forced labor in mineral industries and at the same time pearl harvesting. On this basis, the Iroquois fought the colonizers and became free considering themselves as a sovereign nation in America (Kanentiio, 2000). A point worth noting is that, Iroquois were divided on which side to support where some supported the colonizers while other rebelled. It is of importance to note that, Iroquois over-ruled other Indian communities and raided them as they are described as great lovers of fight (Kanentiio, 2000).

Common stereotypes about Iroquois community

The word stereotype is used to denote the generalizations made about a community where by people attribute a defined set of characteristics to this community. On this basis, the Iroquois community was believed to have a collective responsibility where the whole group was responsible in knowing and doing what was supposed to be done (Kanentiio, 2000). In support of this, it has been found that each person in this community acted independently but for the group. In this relation, each person was brought up with a sense of self-governing accountability and being autonomous. The idea of autonomous responsibility and doing it for the group was being socialized to children at their early age hence they grew knowing what was expected of them in the society (Kanentiio, 2000).

Additionally, the Seneca people were fanatical to external self-control and stressed individual self-governing. Moreover, these people were unresponsive of pain, hardships and loneliness. On this basis, they had a principle of no guilt where they always approved the accountability of their deeds by doing the correct thing as it was what was expected of them (Kanentiio, 2000). It is of important to note that, the Iroquois find expression for the feeling of anger, frustration and hatred through rituals. In this case, most of the rituals were from a religious setting that had a lot of attached pious meanings. A good example here is dreams which were considered as linking minds and souls. In this connection, dreams were taken very carefully in Iroquois community where whatever one dreamt about was taken care of in the effort of avoiding dangers and calamities (Kanentiio, 2000).

Important leaders and heroes of the Iroquois community

From the history of the Iroquois community, despite the fact that there was a strong leadership structure; there were no police or formal legal system (Kanentiio, 2000). The role of the leaders was to distribute material goods to the community members to avoid starving of some community members. One of the most well known Iroquois leaders was Logan among the Mingo people; he was born in Pennsylvania at around 1725 (Kanentiio, 2000). Importantly, he led the community is fighting the white settlers in 1774 after killing family. On the other hand, the Iroquois heroes were chief Todadaho who practiced cannibalism against his victims and delivered his people from constant attracts of Algonquians. In addition, Deganawidah and his disciple Hiawatha confronted chief Todadaho and convinced him together with other chiefs in this community to establish an Iroquois confederacy in 1350-1600 (Kanentiio, 2000).

Diversity (3)

Diversity-3*

1. Fundaments of Embracing Diversity

One of the most important things a leader can do, no matter the style or role, is to embrace diversity. Many people resist diversity because they resist change. Yet the diversity of the workplace is a trend that cannot be reversed, and it is creating change. Leaders need to do more than accept the change, more than accept the existence of diversity. To make diversity work, they need to be among the first to embrace it.

By modeling good diversity skills, by demonstrating their respect and appreciation for the differences among us, leaders can help others accept and value diversity. The fundamentals of embracing diversity include:

· Respect for others, for differences, for ourselves.

· Tolerance for ambiguities in language, styles, behavior.

· Flexibility in situations that are new, difficult, or challenging.

· Self-Awareness to be sure you understand your reactions and know what you bring to the diverse workplace.

· Empathy to feel what someone who is different from you might be feeling in new or strange surroundings.

· Patience for change that can be slow, and diversity situations that might be difficult.

· Humor because when we lose our sense of humor, we lose our sense of humanity, as well as our perspectives.

3M is an organization dedicated to valuing the diversity of its workforce. Richard Lidstad, Vice President of Human Resources, says that respect is the key to embracing diversity. He tells a story of coming to 3M many years ago, during an era when male executives always wore sport shirts and Hush Puppies, and had a scraggly beard. The man turned out to be one of the company’s top inventors, holder of 13 patents. People had so much respect for him, for what he had accomplished, that they learned to ignore how he dressed. Lidstad uses that story to stress the importance of doing more than tolerating differences. To be a successful leader, he says, you need to embrace differences in people, their cultures, their ways of behaving in the world.

2. Communication**

Leadership requires excellent communication skills. Working in and leading a diverse workforce requires excellent communication. Communication skills are any executive’s, any manager’s, any leader’s most important skills. Understanding the meaning of communication is the first step to gaining those skills.

3. Defining Communication

Communication is the process of creating shared meanings. Yet the word, and that definition, mean much more. By exploring what “community” ( a word with the same root) means, we can come to an understanding of what we mean by “creating shared meaning.”

4. Community

Community can be broken into two primary meanings, one geographic and the other social. A geographic community is defined by physical borders that encompass areas where people live and work. A neighbourhood, a town, even a state or a country is a community, on progressively larger scales. All geographic communities consist of physical areas where people have certain responsibilities they must share, including maintaining the environment, protecting the communicty from outside forces, and assuring that the people within its boundaries ara as satisfied as possible. The community members must work together, come to agreement on many issues, all for the best of everyone. They share the concerns and goals, and often the values, of their communities.

A social community is a community with social rather than geographical boundaries. The gay community, the African American community, the nonprofit community, the Buddhist community, are all social communities. These communites, like geographic ones, have many interests in common. As a result, members of these communities share many responsibilities in the maintenance of their communities. Like geographical communities, they share concerns, goals, and values.

5. The Nature of Commmunication

Other words with the same root also contribute to understanding what communication means. When we “communicate with nature”, we become one with it. Communion in many churches means becoming one with God. To become one with, to share – that is the true nature of communication. Communication is that process by which we become one with others, not completely or totally, but insofar as specific meanings and specific understandings are concerned. We share a part of ourselves, our message, our meaning of words and behavior, with another.

We all have different frameworks. We all come from different backgrounds, different experiences. What means something to one person means something different to another, so we need to work together, to dance with each other, to create a meaning we can share. By going through the process of creating a shared meaning, we understand each other, we communicate.

6. Communicating Yourself***

Sharing a part of yourself also focuses on another important element of communication: what we communicate. No matter what else we may want to communicate, or what meanings we want to create and share, we always communicate ourselves. The basic principles of communication include two truisms: as human beings, everything we do communicates something to those who hear or see us; and the primary thing we communicate is ourselves. In other words, we cannot not communicate ourselves.

A leader needs to understand that, by embracing diversity, we communicate ourselves as people who value and respect differences. By being leaders, we communicate ourselves as leaders.

7. Language and Communication

Creating shared meaning is not easy to accomplish. Humans communicate in an ambiguous way; we use words. Words by their very nature have multiple meanings. They are open to interpretation and context. In fact, one of the reasons we need to create shared meaning is because of the multiple meanings of our words.

We use words to create our reality. Words shape everything we understand, and create things we don’t see. When we look at creating our visions and organizational culture, the importance of language as reality will become more apparent. A leader who uses language so well that she can create reality, or her vision of reality, is a powerful leader indeed.

8. Diversity Tips

· Diversity is a fact of contemporary organizational life and will become increasingly so in the future.

· When positively and properly supported, workplace diversity can produce tangible benefits.

· Leadership is key to gaining diversity’s benefits, and can come from any level in an organization.

· Leadership also needs to come from the top.

· Communication and awareness are key.

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